Finding a cure for the bum-diggities.

You know those moments when you feel like, "Mmmmmm yeah.  This is good.  Life is good.  This is perfect and I wouldn't rather be anywhere else"...?  I hope you do.  I hope you know what I'm talking about.  It's ok if you can't really relate though.  When I was at my most anxious, one of the ways I could tell things were getting out of control was realizing those moments had been occurring very infrequently for a while.  As I've mentioned, I have been a worrier for pretty much ever.  But I'm a very happy and optimistic and positive person by nature.  So I would still have semi-regular moments when all seemed right and well and I thought, "Life is so, so good right now."  And about nine or so months ago I realized I hadn't had many (any?  I can't really remember... I hope there were still some) of those stop-and-reflect-and-get-all-mushy-gushy moments in a long while.  That's not to say I was never happy.  Because that's far from true.  And I still had GREAT times with family and friends when I wouldn't have wanted to be anywhere else.  But I'm just sayin, that was one of my indicators that it was time to think about seeking some help for my perma-bummin'.  Anyway.  I hope you have moments like that sometimes.  And if you don't, maybe that's worth a thought or two.  

This past weekend for me was an interesting one.  There were just so many great little things that happened!  And yet between the great little things I was kinda sad.  Just really nostalgic thinking about my Bellingham-ily (Get it?!  Bellingham + Family = Bellinghamily.  YOU LIKE THAT??  Yeah thanks, me too) and how easy it was to see everyone when we all lived within 3 blocks of each other.  And at the same time I am kind of itching for new things and feeling a little stir-crazy and thinking about my growing list of friends who are settled/married/parents/other Big Kid Stuff.  I know I don't have to tell most of you this, but I know a LOT of people who are big kids for REAL.  Like, married with families and careers and houses and stuff.  And that's big fat not where I am at this point.  I'm really fine with that most of the time, and I'm really aware of that ALL of the time.  Let's just say one of my coworkers thinks is SUUUUPER fun to make references to the phrase "Always a Bridesmaid, Never a Bride" and the movie "27 Dresses" and it ain't because she's a Katherine Heigl fan.  And sometimes I'm like, "What gives???"  Because those marriage/family/career/house things sound pretty nice.  But other times I hear Beyonce singing "All you women, who independent, THROW YO HANDS UP AT ME" in my head and I'm like - "GET IT GIRL" (to myself) and I throw my hands up at her!  But really though, I was a little bummed at a few moments this weekend.  Missing my parents, missing my sister, missing my whole extended family, missing Russanne (BECAUSE IT'S BEEN 13 MONTHS SINCE I HAVE SEEN THE WHITES OF HER EYES AND THAT'S CRAP), missing my Bellinghamily, missing Manito Park, missing Boulevard Park, missing missing missing.  But you know what I've learned to do?  I've learned to say, "AW HELL NAW" in moments like that and to take myself out of them in any way possible.  So this weekend it looked a little something like this...

Friday:  An opportunity to leave my anxiety-producing office and desk for a training in our Seattle office about... wait for it... ANXIETY DISORDERS.  Um hey, thanks God - yes please!  Couldn't pass that one up.  And you know what that gave me?  The chance to hear our instructor recite this:

"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.

Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.

It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us.

We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, famous?

Actually, who are you not to be?

You are a child of God.

Your playing small does not serve the world.

There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you.

We are all meant to shine, as children do.

We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us.

It is not just in some of us; it is in everyone.

And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same.

As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others."

-- A Return to Love, by Marianne Williamson

And you know what THAT gave me?  The desire to reflect while participating in one of my favorite Seattle pastimes - grabbing some lunch at Whole Foods and taking it to Kerry Park.  And you know what THAT gave me?  This:

While listening to this:

"Coming My Way" - The City Harmonic

The moment was just so good that at first I thought I wished I was sharing it with someone else and then I realized it was perfect as it was.  With my own company.  And eyes clouded with tears (and covered by sunglasses, WHEW).  Nobody but me would have understood its goodness at that particular moment anyway.

Saturday:  Woke up to Justin Timberlake BLARING from our iHome speakers in the kitchen because I accidentally set the radio alarm the night before during one of my cooking jam sessions.  And THAT my friends, was the funniest way to wake up I've experienced yet.  Startling, but funny.  Then a delightful lunch with two delightful ladies and an afternoon of reading.  But before long I started down that yucky nostalgia/Big Kid Stuff mental pathway I described earlier and right about that time received a text from two great friends: "Want to meet us in Seattle?"  My first inclination was to stay here, be by myself, maybe go shopping, but probably do a whole lot of nothing.  But that didn't sound like the best idea.  So I says to myself, I says, "Self, we're gettin out of here."  And I went.  And you know what THAT gave me?  Well, first and foremost it gave me quality time with great friends at a pub crawl we accidentally joined.  Fo FREE.  But also... 

My first trip to the gum wall!  Yes, my FIRST ONE!

And you know what that gave me?  An itch for more exploration and adventures to places I've been meaning to check off my must-see list and haven't yet!  And you know what THAT gave me?  The perfect idea.  We'll go to the Browns Point lighthouse.

Sunday:    To the lighthouse we went!  Thank God for fun friends!

If I'm honest, that had to be the ugliest lighthouse I've ever seen.  But it's situated on a gorgeous beach so how bad can it be?  Toward the end of that day's adventures, I accepted an invitation to see a movie with another dear friend in a theater made up entirely of reclining leather chairs.  I could kiss whoever invented that!  Brilliant.

So all in all, even amidst a little nostalgia, anxiety, and some bum-diggities, this weekend was aces in my book.  Because you know what ALL those fun activities and friends gave me?  Joy, laughter, companionship, exercise, and so much fun.  And you wanna know how many of those activities I had planned on for more than a few hours before they happened?  None of them.  None!  The whole weekend was full of spontaneous adventures (another one of my favorite pastimes).  So what's the moral of this story?  It's easy to let that down-in-the-dumps feeling keep us from spontaneous adventuring.  But it's a cryin' shame when that happens.  So don't let it!  Because you never know when just the right opportunity might lead you to just the right sandwich/song combo which might spark an entire weekend of perfection and happiness.

Today's Jam:  "Noche Nada" by Givers.

That's all, folks.